I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
