She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
