Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
