Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
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