apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
