I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
