I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Randomize
