You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Come share oat with me in your robe
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
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