jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
