You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
