i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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