I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
