i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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