Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I met the friendliest cop last night
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I just blew my weed a kiss
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
