I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Alive.
So much puke
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
