I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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