im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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