Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
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