I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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