That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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