She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
