i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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