Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
