TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
