She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
