His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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