Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
