That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
