Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Randomize
