I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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