Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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