My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
