yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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