I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
