You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I touched a dick in church today
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