normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
