Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
