i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Randomize
