The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.�
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
