Im at strip club and am horny
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
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