i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
