I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
