dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
