I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
