I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
