i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
