The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
