So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
