I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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