My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize
