so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
